Hearing his heart
by Chaos in the Moonlight
Summary: Hephaistion is connected to Alexander in a way the king, himself, isn't even aware of.


**Title**: Hearing His Heart

**Pairing**: Hephaistion/Alexander

**Rating**: R

**Warnings**: slash, angst, fluff, AU

**Disclaimer**: These are the lies I have created

**Word Count**: 3,800

**A/N**: I don't claim to be a historian, nor do I claim to use accurate history in my stories, that's why I write fiction.

The tent flap was closed but no men stood guard at the entrance, something more than unusual for the King's domain. Hephaistion could hear muffled voices from inside Alexander's shelter, voices that didn't sound very happy, but on the contrary, sounded angry and outraged. He folded back the flap and stepped into what he could only describe as a tornado of activity; clothes cluttered every surface and most of the floor, raveled and unraveled scrolled tossed here and there, burgundy puddles of wine stained the bedclothes, the area rug and some of the clothes and scrolls, as well. It appeared as if Zeus himself had picked up the tent, given it a good shake, then set it back down and left the scene.

As he made his way inside, Hephaistion stepped lightly over discarded fruit and breads, the toe of his boot managing to miss chunks of the latter that sat in its path, but not so lucky when it came to the groupings of grapes that squished beneath the leather. What, by the gods, had gone on in Alexander's tent, and to be more exact, what was still taking place?

"I'll not have you telling me how to behave!" Alexander's voice roared from within the inner chamber, followed almost immediately by a growl and the thump of something hitting the tent wall. "If you haven't heard the latest news, Cleitus, I am the king around here and you can't order me about!"

"Ah," Hephaistion muttered to himself. Cleitus. That explained a lot, or at least a tiny morsel of what might be going on. Alexander and Cleitus had done nothing but spar since the camp had been set-up. They fed off each other's nervous energy, especially in times of battle and discontent, both just as stubborn and opinionated as the other. In Hephaistion's own opinion, they were sometimes so alike it was hard to tell the beginning of one and the ending of the other, at least in terms of hard-headedness.

"You're acting like a greedy child, Alexander!" Cleitus' voice boomed, the sound of his boots making contact with something solid, clanging harshly in the solitude of the main chamber of the tent. "If your father were here..."

"Well, he is not, is he? And you'll reference me as King Alexander from now on, iGeneral Cleitus/i."

Hephaistion had a clear image of Alexander in his head; one hand moving to rest on the hip that he'd already cocked ever so slightly to the side, head tilted just enough to make him look bored, eyes half rolled-back in his head in a show of complete indifference. All true signs of the indignation and disrespect that Hephaistion and Alexander knew Cleitus deplored. "Plus, if you recall, General, my father died because of his inexcusable greed to take and use all he saw fit."

Hephaistion dipped his head, knowing what was to come but helpless to step in and stop the words from spilling from his beloved's lips.

"Greed?" Cleitus hissed. "You've truly lost your mind, iAlexander/i. Perhaps all the wine you've consumed has finally depleted what little space there was left in your pretty head. And I'll not call you king in this or any other life."

"You wish to debate my wine consumption while you cling to the fantasy of a man who loved you no more than any of the other boys who he hung out to dry after using them for his insatiable purposes? Who was quite possibly was killed because of his habit of using those who loved them then throwing them to the wolves."

Hephaistion groaned. Yes, his love had gone exactly where he'd hoped he wouldn't. Cleitus' gasp of disgust was clearly heard through the wall as something else was either kicked or thrown across the small chamber.

"Why you insufferable brat!" he yelled. "How dare you speak with such dishonor for your father, the man who gave you life and allowed you to do with it what you please. The man who handed down the throne upon which you sit and whine upon."

"Don't you mean the man who tossed me aside for countless women and boys, who looked upon me as no more than a bastard and my mother a harpy whore?"

"Those were the words of a drunken man celebrating his wedding, Alexander. A man merely looking to enjoy a joyous occasion until he was so rudely disrespected by his own son." The tone of Cleitus' voice dropped, evened-out a little and slowed to his normal lilt. "You cannot hold such things against him when his death is the cause of the royal position you hold."

"I never asked for such a position!" Alexander screamed. "All I asked for was his respect and admission that I had become a good man, but could he do that, Cleitus? Could he take a step towards me instead of throwing rocks at my innocence? No, he could not and he never did. That shallow, unforgiving, selfish man is the one you so righteously defend at every corner. You believe I should not dwell on the things my father called me, the way he treated me? Well, what about yourself, Cleitus? When shall you admit to yourself that the love you held for him was never returned, was never even acknowledged for what it was? Will you live in your scant memories of being in his arms when you were young forever? Will those be the highlights of your pathetic life when you finally descend into Hades?"

"I'll not stand here and let you turn your drunken venom on me, Alexander, or on your father. Take a look at your own life, man. Take a look at the way in which you handle yourself when you're around the one person who truly loves you, who truly holds your heart. Do you not treat him in the same manner that you say Phillip treated you? And will you not toss him aside when the time is right, as well, when he is no longer as beautiful, as desirable, as young, as the ones who throw themselves in your path? What will you do when the few scars he carries on his skin become many and the freshness of his smile becomes tarnished and old? Will you not then be the very man you despise so much?"

The silence in the next room was deafening to Hephaistion's ears. He'd heard too much, heard things that were not for his hearing, and a strong dilemma had presented itself in his mind. Could he sneak away before the pair discovered he was there, thus ensuring Alexander would not be embarrassed by Cleitus' words? Or should he give in to the brutal hand of emotion that currently gripped his heart, and stay to comfort his beloved? Alexander had been quiet for far too long and in a situation such as this, that wasn't a good thing.

"Right," Cleitus hissed. "You've nothing to say now, have you, boy? No more words to spit upon your dead father, nor any to challenge me with. I have prayed to the gods that the next time you lead your men into battle, you would have released the resentment you hold for Phillip, so when your time comes you may follow him into Hades with a clear heart and mind. He loved you, Alexander, but his way of showing his love was different than your expectations. Perhaps, you should consider that before you overshadow his memory with your fears and disgruntlements. And perhaps, you should consider the love you hold for others and how you present it to them."

The flap to the inner chamber was suddenly flung back and Cleitus appeared before Hephaistion. He paused a moment, his black eyes misty, face scrunched-up and adorned with emotion, then shook his head at Hephaistion and strode from the tent. The younger general remained where he was, his next course of action unclear in his mind as he strained his ears for any movement in the other room.

Words were harsh things that could maim or destroy a person, a relationship, a family, and Cleitus' words had no doubt left black-edged trails of pain and regret in Alexander's mind. Hephaistion loved him, had loved him for what seemed like forever, and knowing he was hurting was more than enough to make him ignore his own fears and insecurities to support his beloved.

Taking a deep, calming breath, he slowly flipped the flap open and peered inside. The inner room was in no better shape than the outer with the addition of what appeared to be water mixed in with the tossed clothes and food. Alexander sat in the corner, back pressed against the tent, knees pulled to his chest, head bowed sadly to his chest. Hephaistion could immediately sense the despair in his beloved, almost as if his heart cried out into the stillness of the room; called out for Hephaistion.

It took everything he had inside him, every single piece of strength in his body not to rush over and crush Alexander in his arms. Instead he walked slowly through the debris, hands clenched behind his back, head slightly tipped to the floor, eyes peering at his love through his thick lashes.

He leaned against the wall beside Alexander, letting his body slide down the side until he landed on his bottom, inches from his beloved. He pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around them and settling his chin upon his knees.

"Can I be of any help, Alexander?" he asked softly, his words whispering harshly in the deadness of silent air.

Alexander's head whipped back, a look of surprise and horror sullying his face, his eyes tearful and red-rimmed. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, then he dropped his head back to his knees. "I'd not heard you come in," he mumbled.

"I'm very stealthy when I want to be," Hephaistion replied, trying to lighten the dreary mood that hung black and oppressing over Alexander's head. "And you were rather busy when I let myself in."

"You didn't hear what Cleitus... you did, didn't you?"

Hephaistion blinked innocently, one hand moving to cover Alexander's, his fingers cupping his love's clenched fist. "I heard nothing, my love."

Alexander lifted his head, again, eyes brighter now, wine-stained lips turned up in what could almost be described as a slight grin. "You've never been a good liar, Hephaistion."

"On the contrary, my King, I lie to you all the time without your knowledge which, I may add, is what being untruthful is all about." He grinned at Alexander, fingers twisting between his, hand securing itself in Alexander's grasp. He leaned to the side and bumped his shoulder to Alexander's, a gesture that was as old as their relationship, one that meant he was there and ready to be leaned on.

Alexander sighed and raised the hand clutching his to his lips. "I'm a fool, Hephaistion," he moaned, his lips lingering against Hephaistion's skin. "I allowed myself to be drawn into the aggressions of Cleitus ill-spirited demeanor, yet again."

"I believe the wine may have had something to do with it, too," Hephaistion teased. "But I don't believe Cleitus is the only one who does the drawing, love. You strike a mean pose when it comes to your opinions, as well."

Alexander chuckled. "Yes, but I will just never understand the importance that my father still holds in Cleitus' heart."

"Love does that to people, Alexander. I don't think it's something that can be either explained or understood."

"You may be right," Alexander admitted, turning his body so he faced Hephaistion. "It's just something the gods created to make us all go mad, is it not?"

Hephaistion let his lips turn up in a half-smile, mirroring Alexander's body language and facing him full-on. "Just one of the elements they created to make us take a better look at ourselves, perhaps?"

"Elements of life? What might some of the others be then?"

"Hmm," Hephaistion muttered, eyes squinting to the side in thought. "Hate, sadness, jealousy..."

"When did you become so smart?" Alexander grinned widely, the remnants of his drying tears leaving wavy paths on his pale skin.

"You must remember that I was always the brightest one when we were young. I assure you that you can even ask Aristotle if you wish to question the validity of my statement."

Alexander laughed out loud, grabbing Hephaistion around the neck and bringing him close. "I always believed the man wanted to do more than teach you, actually."

Hephaistion pulled back, his mouth turning down, forehead wrinkling in a look of disgust. "Alexander! That's preposterous, not to mention disgusting and vile. How could you say..."

He choked back the rest of his words as Alexander's mouth covered his and he gave in to the sweetness that was his lover's lips, his taste, his warmth. Hephaistion wrapped his arms around Alexander's neck and groaned into his mouth when Alexander's fingers twisted in his hair, pulled slightly and then started massaging his skull. He lifted his feet and moved his body forward, hooking his heels around Alexander's hips and yanking him closer so they sat chest-to-chest.

"There are far more comfortable places to proceed with our... chat," Alexander whispered, moving his lips down Hephaistion's jaw, pressing butterfly kisses to the stubbled skin.

Hephaistion tipped his head back for better access. "That could be a problem, my love."

Alexander pulled his head back. "What? What problem? Is there someone else hovering beyond the door?"

"I was not hovering," Hephaistion insisted, rolling his eyes back momentarily. "I merely walked-in at an inopportune time."

"But what is the problem then?"

"I don't believe we'll be able to find the bed," Hephaistion whispered.

"Find the bed? What, by Zeus, are you talking about?"

"Temper tantrum, Alexander."

Alexander tilted his head and squinted his eyes. "Temper tantrum? Have I not been the only one imbibing this evening?"

"Most undoubtedly yes, but you obviously had a tantrum or your quarters would not look like a stampede of horses had run amuck between its walls."

Alexander's mouth opened wide and he let his eyes slide around the room in which he sat. "Oh. I see what you mean. I was just... looking for something."

"Looking for something?" Hephaistion chuckled. "That's definitely not what this..." He swept his hand in the air. "... appears to be about."

"My cloak," Alexander growled teasingly. "I was looking for my cloak, the earthen-colored one that I love so much. I couldn't find it anywhere and I may have gotten a little... over-zealous about its misplacement... but when I wrap it around me it always manages to keep my nerves at bay, and you will not breathe a word of that to anyone."

"I wouldn't dream of it, but is that not the one you gave to me?"

"I gave it to you?"

"I believe so."

"Oh, then that would explain why I couldn't find it." Alexander snickered and leaned in for another kiss. "You seem to have the same affect on my nerves, though, not to mention what you do to the rest of my body.

Hephaistion snickered and pulled back. "And that was all your mood was based upon?"

The king sighed and sucked on his bottom lip. "Cleitus came in while I was raving about it, and this is after several cups of wine you must understand." Hephaistion nodded, unsurprised. "He wanted to discuss when we'd be going home... can you imagine, two nights before going into battle, he decides to bring that forth. Don't you find that just a tad strange?"

Hephaistion shrugged and moved his hand to Alexander's face, tracing his right cheekbone then letting his fingers rest against his lover's skin. "Not that strange for Cleitus, really. You know what time of year it is, do you not?" It was Alexander's turn to shrug. "Come now, Alexander. How far into your cups are you this night?"

"Obviously too far to recall what you're talking about."

Hephaistion gave him a light slap across the head, bringing a wide smile to his face, as well as a stolen kiss brushed against his lips. "Do you not remember that it is this time of year when it's believed that Cleitus and your father vowed themselves to one another when they were young."

Alexander's eyes opened wide and he tipped his head back. "Yes, I do recall that now but how you remember such things without provocation, strikes me dumb."

"Your father has been dead almost five years, Alexander, but I believe Cleitus misses him as much today as he did when he passed. Going home is like returning to the memories of his greatest love, and perhaps, he feels threatened that those memories will soon fade to the point he'll forget completely."

"But he and my father were not lovers at the time of his death, Hephaistion. How can he hold such feelings for him when their relationship had changed so drastically?"

"I'd feel the same way as Cleitus, Alexander. I wouldn't want to lose any memories of you, no matter what your feelings were or were not for me. Love does not merely move on if the emotions are still entwined in the heart."

Alexander dipped his head, resting it against Hephaistion's forehead and closing his eyes. "I won't do as Cleitus said, Phai," he said softly, one hand cupping the back of Hephaistion's head, the other moving to slide over his back. "I will never toss you aside as my father did, and knowing you heard such words and possibly believe them, puts great pain in my heart."

Hephaistion framed Alexander's face in his hands. "I don't believe it and I never will so there's no need for you to have any pain in your heart. You are not your father and you will never treat me as your father treated Cleitus, and even if you did..."

Alexander pursed his lips in preparation to speak, but Hephaistion placed a finger over his mouth. "If you did, I'd forgive you and still love you. No two men are alike, and no two loves are alike, either. I expect nothing from you that I don't know you can give me. You're everything I care for, Alexander, and with the heavenly moon as my witness, I'll never stop believing in our love."

Hephaistion captured Alexander's lips, crushing their bodies together and giving his beloved the best reassurance he could offer... himself. There was no man or woman who could come between them, and in his heart of hearts, he knew that even if the day came when Alexander was torn about his feelings, Hephaistion would always remain his one true love.

Alexander pulled away, biting lightly at Hephaistion's bottom lip then releasing. "I know I don't always have the words to express what you mean to me, nor do I say the words enough, Hephaistion, but..."

"I don't need words to hear into your heart, Alexander. It speaks as loudly and clearly as a lone wolf baying its love to the full moon."

Alexander smiled, a single tear forming in the corner of his eyes. He quickly wiped it away and looked longingly into Hephaistion's eyes. "Stay with me tonight, Hephaistion, for tomorrow night is..."

"The eve of battle," Hephaistion completed the sentence. "I know. I don't like it, but I know it."

"I don't want to lose you, Phai," Alexander murmured. "This could be the battle that..."

"Hush," Hephaistion said. "There's time enough for talk of fears tomorrow, but tonight, there can only be love. Agreed?"

Alexander smiled and pressed his lips to Hephaistion's. "I love you, my Phai."

"I love you, my Alexander," he whispered back. "But I can't believe you told Cleitus to call you King Alexander... again."

"I've instructed him as such before," Alexander huffed.

"And he's never complied, has he? At least not in private."

"I'm going to have to apologize, aren't I?"

Hephaistion nodded, fingers tenderly threading through Alexander's curls. "You know whether you apologize or not, he'd still lay down his life for you..."

"But it's the proper thing to do?"

"Yes, love, and you're nothing if not proper." Hephaistion couldn't hold back his chuckle.

Alexander growled and pressed his body on top of Hephaistion's. "Insubordination! I thought we weren't talking anymore... only with our bodies?" Alexander hissed against Hephaistion's lips, tugging on a long strand of his hair just enough to make his lover squirm. "Do you wish to do it here or attempt to find the bed?"

"Such romantic words, my King."

Alexander shrugged, spreading one hand over Hephaistion's chest and pushing him to his back. "I am the king so I can do as I please, can I not?"

"Yes, my King," Hephaistion hissed. "Or at least, we allow you to think so."

"Oh, you find yourself so clever tonight, do you not?"

"The smartest and brightest... I believe we've already discussed that. Have you forgotten already?" He gasped when Alexander's mouth crushed his, the wine taste of his tongue sending little tingles of excitement throughout his body, or perhaps it was the heat of his lover's member pressed to the stiffness of his own.

"I believe we should be slipping into something more comfortable, my beloved. Like the softness of our bare skin, perhaps?" he growled, his own tongue flicking across Alexander's lips.

Alexander moaned, wrapping his fingers around Hephaistion's wrists and shoving his arms up over his head. "I'm giving the orders tonight, General."

"And that's different in what way?" Hephaistion growled back, sea-blue eyes focused intently into Alexander's. He arched his back, rubbing himself against Alexander's hardness, smirking when Alexander gasped and groaned. "Are you going to order me to clean up the mess you made... yet again, or order me to play your slave for the evening?"

Alexander hissed and nipped at Hephaistion's shoulder. "I mean to keep you beneath me all night, General Hephaistion. That is my order."

"Sounds torturous, my King."

"Indeed, it will be, my insufferable general... my beautiful, loyal, insufferably-loving general."

Hephaistion closed his eyes and let Alexander take control, his heart almost missing a beat when he heard the whispered words.

"I love you, Phai, now and always."

He wasn't sure if the words were spoken aloud or merely coming from the connection he had to Alexander's heart, and it didn't matter. All that did matter was there in his arms... now and always.


End file.
